I don't understand video games

Saturday, January 04, 2014

“Come on Yazoo, just trade me your Blazekin already!”

I’ve been listening to this for the past half hour. I don’t understand these gadgets, or why Angel thought it was a good idea to give them to our children.

“You have to give it time Kadaj, eggs take so many steps to hatch.”

And I don’t understand this Pokemon either. What is the purpose of this game? Best I can understand it has something to do with catching all these little monsters and beating the elite four and a champion. Then there’s something about EV training and battle boxes. It makes my head ache just thinking about it.

“I don’t want one you’ve hatched I want the one you’ve already trained!”

“Dude have you even beating the fourth gym yet?”

“Mind our own business Loz.”

I also don’t understand the importance of these digital trophies. All three of the boys and my wife are all about having these non-excited prizes and for what, to prove they beat the game with one hundred percent, unlocking all the easter eggs and hidden outfits or what not. It’s insane!

“Even if I traded you my Blazekin, which I’m not going to do, he wouldn’t listen to you. He’s a level one hundred and has been EV trained to be unbeatable. One hit, one kill.”

“Pokemon don’t kill!”

“It’s an expression Loz.”

“Whatever, I won’t use ‘em till I’ve trained up. No big deal.”

“Kadaj, you have to beat all the gym leaders to be able to work with level one hundreds. Half your Pokemon don’t listen to you now cuz they’re trained up above your ability.”

“I can’t beat ‘em Yazoo! That’s why I need Blazekin!”

“He wasn’t paying me one bit of attention was he Loz?”

“No he heard the part about not having the fourth gym badge.”

“Forget it! I’m switching to Animal Crossing.”

Another game I don’t understand. What is the appeal of fishing to pay off a debt to a raccoon, just to have more built on to your house so you owe him more money? The only difference between this game and the one Angel played when we were dating is that in the new one you’re the mayor or something. I just don’t understand video games.

“How much you owe Nook now?”

“Just had my basement expanded on. That’s where I’m keeping all my Nintendo gear.”

“I’m wearing the red Pikmen hat.”

“That’s nice Loz, but no one asked.”

“Yeah Kadaj, your egg hatched.”

“That’s nice, but I’m not playing Pokemon anymore!”

sigh “You want me to beat the fourth gym for you?”

“No Yaz, no I don’t. I will beat it myself.”

“Can’t you boys go outside and play those things? At least then your mother can’t say I didn’t at least try to chase you out to play.”

“Uh dad… It’s raining.”

“Ah… so it is.” Why did it have to be raining?